Winds of Change

Well things are achanging in this household.

Firstly, I am starting to get better. I finally got my voice back sometime late Thursday. I still wake up in the morning kinda blocked up but for the rest of the day I'm fine now. The same with Caitlyn. She seems to only be congested when she wakes and when she goes to bed. I weighed in on Friday at 95.3kg, a gain of 500g, which I was expecting as I wasn't really considering anything last week except for trying to get better.

Secondly, my baby (well they're both my babies so my youngest) turned six months old yesterday. Today, I moved her cot into her own room, out of our room. I moved Bethany into her own room when she was six and half months old so roughly at the same stage. Once I had done it I felt so sad. I walked around the big empty spot in our bedroom just thinking she's gone now, she's growing up. It is going to be so strange to sleep without her (I bet I will wake every hour). I just hope she sleeps well. She took her 2 naps OK in there today after I had moved it so fingers crossed.

BATHTIME!!!!

Finally, I think I am ready to stop thinking about doing something about my weight and finally start doing something. I have had ENOUGH. No more excuses. I am having so much trouble get up and down off the floor after playing with the girls, I have no energy and I run out of breath far to easily. I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE AND HEALTHY AGAIN!

And its time to start NOW!

Well off to bed now to try and get some sleep on my first night alone (except for Pete but you know what I mean) Boo Hoo.

What goes around, comes around

Well, as to be expected, I got Bethany's flu bug. And I got it bad.

By 1.30pm last Monday, after doing my last blog entry, I started getting a sore throat and by 4pm I had the fever and no voice. I was so bad that come midnight, I was still awake shivering. Pete ended up taking Tuesday off to care for the girls and I spent most of the day sleeping, of course, Bethany was totally over the flu by now. By Wednesday the fever had gone but my throat was still killing me but I had my voice back. Pete however got a bit of a cough and some aches and pains but that was it as he gets a flu shot from work so he only got it a little. Thursday I was feeling much better but Friday I woke up without a voice again and at this stage in time I still don't have it back properly. Friday afternoon Caitlyn started looking very pale and not so lively. Saturday she woke up with a really runny nose and fever. She fevered on and off all day and that night I rushed to the chemist to get her more Panadol and also discovered some infants cold and allergy drops to help with her nose. Yesterday she seemed more herself but still very congested in the nose. Last night she had some major issues, waking every 20 minutes from about 9.30pm. By 11.15pm I bit the bullet and nursed her in bed on her side while I sat up and dosed on a pillow. Once she had stayed asleep longer than 20 minutes I transferred her back to her cot, turned out the lamp and started to drift off. 15 minutes later, Bethany woke crying from a bad dream. So come midnight we finally settled down to sleep. Luckily Caitlyn stayed asleep however Pete had to get up for work at 5.30am and Caitlyn woke at 6am, so not a lot of sleep was had by us grown ups.

So the flu absolutely guttered this household and Caitlyn and I are still waiting to recover.

I did weighin on Friday for the first week of Paulene's challenge and had a 1kg loss but I think that was just due to not eating a lot while ill and now that I am back to eating, will have to do it properly, I just have to get over this bug.

Well just a quick update today to let you all know how things are going. I do so hope that I wake with a voice and some energy tomorrow.

That time of the year

Have been flat out looking after Bethany over the last few days. Poor thing isn't very well and on cruising the blogs this morning have found that Paulene and Karen's wee Rachel haven't been well either. It is definately that time of the year for the bugs to start hitting.

Weighed in on Friday, ready to start the new 12 week challenge, with my weight back to 95.8kg. Definately didn't help that I got TOM that morning either, but you can't help bad luck.

The in-laws popped up on Saturday and made me feel good though, eventhough my weight was up. They both asked me (seperate to each other) if I was back on track because I had definately lost weight. They both didn't believe me when I told them no, in fact I was at one of my highest weights since the start of the new year.

So, here I am today, raring to go for a walk or to the gym but can't as Bethany is home from school, lying on the lounge watching the Wiggles. Will have to wait for Pete to get home and go then.

There are little exercises I can do, like my situps, pushups, squats that I can do so will do a little of them. I have also gone out and bought myself, wait for it, a skipping rope. I am going to start off slowly, like doing 10 jumps a day, and then build up because its been ages since I have used a skipping rope.

I have also asked my mum and sister to buy me for my birthday (in 4 weeks!) the 20kg punching bag and gloves in this weeks Kmart catalogue for $49.99. That would be great. Whenever I feel moody I can just go out and beat that instead of eating a chocolate bar.

So that's it for today. Must go and tend to Bethany, she is sooooo bored and really wants to go to school but I have told her she can't cause she would make all her friends sick. Poor thing.

Catchya later

Organising

Have been totally absent yet again but I am trying to get things organised so I can have a decent go of Paulene's next 12 week challenge. Well to be more accurate, I am trying to get a handle on this dizziness that I am still getting.

I have been trying to take things easy, thinking I might just be short on energy but now I get dizzy doing small things as well. Pete really wants me to go to the doctor about it but I don't really like my doctor anymore as she doesn't really listen, she just talks at you, if you know what I mean and I don't really want to payout any more money to her than I have to.

I think some of it could also be that I am not really eating properly anymore. I am back to just grabbing a bit when I have time, not planned breakfast and lunch, which wouldn't be helping my head or my energy levels either.

So, as I was saying, I did as little as possible last week but didn't really keep a watch on my eating which resulted in a 200g loss on Friday. What the? When I try to lose weight it doesn't work but when I don't try, I lose. No wonder people go insane trying to lose weight!!!!

So this week I am going to start with the basics, drinking water, eating properly and maybe just a gentle walk(weather permitting) to try and get a basic rhythm back in my body and hopefully everything will reset. If not I may be forced to go to the doctor.

I spent the whole of this morning catching up on everyones blogs although have failed to leave any comments on any(how antisocial of me). And most exciting of all, last week I found my inspiration again, literally. Way back in 2004, through the WW website, I stumbled on the blog of Lyn. She was an amazing lady who, just by reading her blog, inspired me to give it a try myself and hence my first blog was created. She lost heaps of weight and was almost to her goal when she had some personal problems and disappeared of the radar, totally understandable. Anyhoo, last week, through Karen's blog I have found her again. She has put some weight back on and is starting all over again to get back to goal. Since finding her blog, reading everything she has been through and how she has the strengh to try again has really given me a good boot up the butt and I am totally hanging out to start Paulene's challenge on Friday and give it a good shot. It is great to have Lyn back again, eventhough we have never met, it is like finding a long lost friend again and I am glad that we can try to get back to our goals again together.

Well must be off, Bethany finishes school in half an hour and I must (unfortunately) go and wake my sleeping Caitlyn so I can pick her up.

I vow to be back within the next couple of days to update. PROMISE.

Revelations, decisions and an SOS

Okies, where to start? Would you believe it has taken me the last 3 days to type this entry.

Firstly, and typically, as soon as I told you all that Caitlyn was sleeping through the night, she stopped and hasn't since. Not fair!

Didn't end up going for our river walk last Thursday but went Friday instead. Weighed in Friday morning with a 600g up to 95.4kg but was expecting that with Easter. Was really looking forward to our walk. Told mum because I had Bethany I would be going slower than usual (usually try to do a bit of powerwalking) but for her to go on ahead like normal. So Bethany, Caitlyn and I set off on a gentle stroll. Now I usually do the whole walk in 25mins but didn't even manage to get half way in 20. By this time I was feeling lightheaded, nauseas, seeing stars and ready to pass out. So we turned back to the car where I just sat on a bench waiting for mum to come back.

This really upset me. A simple bit of exercise that we had been doing for weeks I couldn't do properly anymore. I haven't been going to the gym and now I couldn't even walk. So hit the dumps again for the weekend. Sent a really pathetic email to Paulene complaining about how bad I have been doing and with the 12 week challenge ending this Friday and me losing nothing how miserable I was. I really hit rock bottom over those 3 days.

Then Monday afternoon, Caitlyn was down for her last nap, dinner was cooking so I said to Peter that I was going for a gentle walk around the block. About 13mins into it I got dizzy again so slowed right down but kept going. While walking I thought to myself that I really had no excuse not to exercise, not even a little. It wouldn't kill me to do some situps and pushups n the mornings at least until I started to get this head business sorted out. When I got back after my 30mins I felt so good and happy with myself.

Yesterday I did 40 situps and 20 pushups in the morning and another 30min walk in the afternoon, this time with no dizzy spells at all and today(Wednesday) I did the same and even managed a bit of powerwalking.

So I have now got my thoughts sorted and am feeling good. Am not looking good however. Am back to a size 18-20 (after promising myself I would never be in 18's again). And I was thinking today about what Kimberlie on Aussie Biggest Loser said the other day. She said that she wasn't doing it for the money, she was doing it for the embarrassment as a motivation because after everyone seeing how big she was she had to hold herself accountable. So guess what. I am going to do the same! Not in bra's and knickers like her but in my new bathers that I got off Ebay today. I can't believe I am actually going to do this. Anyone who does not want to be scarred for life scroll quickly past these photos. OMG, I am actually going to do this, shit.

There, now its down and now everyone knows. But trust me, it is the last time I am going to look like THIS! (Can't you tell by my face that I am just extatic about having these pics taken) I still can't believe I have done this!!!!!!!!!

Onto today, which is now Friday. Weighed in at 94.8kg, a loss of 600g. This means in the 12 weeks of Pauelene's challenge I have lost a grand total of..... 800g which equals about 66g a week. Woohoo (a touch of sarcasm). Well I suppose at least it wasn't a gain.

Now for my SOS. Part of the reason I am the size I am is because I don't eat a good variety of good foods and am looking for some help to get me eating more vegies. I mean when it comes to cooked vegies I eat potato and peas. That's it although over the last week and part of trying to improve I am now eating cooked carrot and beans. When it comes to salad I eat iceberg lettuce and carrot. And they are the only vegies I eat hence, being fat. I am looking for help from anyone on some ideas or recipes to get me eating more vegies. Any dressings, any salads, any nice soups, anything to get me eating better. If I could just sit down and have a bowl of vegies for lunch it would help greatly instead of having sandwiches or crackers. So please, PLEASE, anyone who thinks they can help please send me an email to bethanysmum2002@yahoo.com with your ideas.

Well must be off now, dinner to cook, children to bathe and get ready for bed. Will catch up with you all again soon. (And finally I get this finished considering I started it on Wednesday).

Long time, no post

Have been missing in action yet again but have been totally flat out what with easter and school holidays and such.

I didn't weigh in last Friday as I woke up in the early hours of Friday morning with TOM and it was all I could do to get out of bed and look after the girls, let alone worry about my weight.

Am definately expecting it to be up this week though as I did indulge over easter. Although I only had my first hot cross bun this morning (the last one in the pack) and I did get rid of a whole box of chocolates, a big easter egg and four mini packs of Tim Tams that were given to me (off loaded them to other people) to try to help me cut down.

So tomorrow it is back to basics. We are off on our weekly foreshore walk, although we won't be able to walk as far as we have Bethany with us, but like I said to mum, as long as we walk 15 minutes up and 15 minutes back we will get a good lot of exercise.

I had lots of photos taken on the weekend as mum had a mini reunion with her uncle, who is in his 70's (my great uncle) that she hasn't seen in 15 years and I have never met at all. He flew over from the eastern states with his wife, his daughter, her husband and her son and a bit more family. There was a big reunion last October but my mum couldn't afford to go over so they came to her. It was lovely but looking at myself in these photos as given me a good jolt. I look just like I used to back in 2004 when I first started trying to lose weight and I don't like it.

So (I know I have said this before) but I am back to the way I started. Track everything I eat and exercise. Even if I can't get to the gym, a half hour walk around the block. That way I am not too far from home if I need to get back to Caitlyn and the way I lost all my weight before was by walking only. I just need to keep things simple because I can't carry on this way anymore. I am even having trouble just getting up and down off the floor with Caitlyn.

My girls are just blooming.

Bethany got an honour certificate at school about four weeks ago (how slack am I for not telling you all earlier) and is doing advanced reading as she is already reading at year one level and they don't want to keep her stagnant for the year so she gets her own books that she has to read to us, instead of the books that the other kids get for the parents to read to them. I'm so proud. She can also now count from 1 to 100 by herself and also by tens(mum taught her that 3 weeks ago and now she won't stop).

Caitlyn is growing up so fast. We can't stop her rolling now and when she has her naps during the day we often find her on her stomach (SCAREY!) Thankfully she isn't doing that at night yet. She has also started on solids and her new favourite thing is blowing raspberries (much to Bethany's delight). I also changed her bedtime routine a week and a half ago and since last Wednesday she has been sleeping through, although on the weekend she did wake up at 4.40am and 5am as she had been all out of whack.

I will close tonight with just a few pictures for you.

Bethany on Easter morning (she wanted me to do her hair like she saw Kelly on Hi-5 the day before)

Caitlyn on her very first Easter morning.

Our little Easter Bunnies

Me & my girls (see how I hide behind them)

Catch you all tomorrow. Will be bright and energenic and raring to go (hopefully).

Where to start

Geez, what a past 2 weeks.

After my last epic post, will make this an ultra quick catch up.

After my update on the Wednesday and my awesome foreshore walk, went to the gym on Thursday to do my new program for the first time by myself. Halfway through I actually looked like someone off the Biggest Loser. I had sweat dripping where I hadn't sweated before! When I'd bend over to pickup my water bottle, sweat would drip onto the floor.

So, anyway, I was really good in eating and everything and Friday I weighed in with a 200g loss. Had to be happy with that, considering I started late that week. Friday I was back to the gym again but couldn't get there Sat or Sun. In the middle of the night Sunday, Bethany woke up with diarrhea, so was home from school Monday, couldn't go again and since Monday I have had it twice so arrive today and I haven't been to the gym since. I did do the foreshore walk again on Wednesday, although I didn't enjoy it too much with all my tummy pains. Friday I managed a 1kg loss, down to 94.8kg. and that practically brings me to today.

There is a lot more that has happened, but am not going to bore everyone with every minute detail, although I have backed down on spying on my neighbours so much, it was doing my head in!

I have a new weightloss goal. It is 17 weeks until Caitlyn starts swimming lessons and I will need to wear bathers again. I have 17 weeks to get down to the 80's at least. When I did swimming with Bethany when she was a baby I was 100kg and it wasn't a pretty site so if I can be somewhere in the 80's I will feel much better.

Well better run, Bethany has to be at school in half an hour and I am only half dressed. Will do a less rushed post later on.

Oh and when I get back from school I will catch up on all your blogs too. Soo much to do.

Seeya