Dogs and Plans

WARNING, EPIC POST AHEAD!

Well so much for a new start. I had planned to get back on the wagon last Friday but after a couple of events decided to postpone until this Friday.

I got on the scales and weighed in at 96kg. That was the last straw for me. All I could think was that 100kg mark was fast approaching again. Decided it was time to do something about it. Rang the gym and arrange for my personal appraisal for Tuesday so I could get a proper program up and running. I had also made the decision (it was stupid at the time and I have since changed my mind) to drop out of Paulene's challenge as I felt like everytime I looked at my progress I felt like a failure. I took Bethany to school, went and did the shopping and came home to a nasty note in our mailbox complaining about our beagle barking. The note claims that our dog (and then they specify the beagle) does not shut up and it is disturbing the peace and quiet of the street and that we should do something about it or they will report it to the ranger.

Now for the facts, yes our dogs bark but not at nothing. They will bark if somebody pulls up in the driveway, at people putting stuff in our mailbox or at cats. It is not the beagle that starts things, it is our silky terrier. The beagle will sometimes join in but 90% of the time it is our silky. For these people to have specified the beagle, they must have come onto our property and then of course, the beagle would have barked.

This was enough to bring my mood right down. I was shattered. We have lived here for 6 years. We have put up with other people dogs howling for hours on end, drag cars being started at 7am and driven down the road, people letting off fireworks on their driveways and so on but never made one complaint. And we have never had one complaint about our dogs and we used to speak to the people in 3 of the 5 houses around us. In the 6 months, 3 of these families have moved and we now have new neighbours so it must be one of these families.

I rang the ranger and asked what I could do, he said that if someone were to make a complaint they would then have to keep a diary to specify when the barking occured and for how long. So I decided I would keep my own diary, not just of my dogs, but of everyone in the street, including drag cars, other peoples dogs and any other rowdiness. (Aren't I a spiteful bitch)

So the next day I spoke to a new neighbour on our immediate left. He said he does have a problem with our dogs and so does nearly everyone else in the street. I proceeded to tell him the whoever the complainant was had got it wrong as it was our silky, not the beagle and since I had brought the silky inside 20 hours earlier, there had not been one bark from our house as opposed to other houses (including the other new neighbours whose dog barked at us for the 20mins we were speaking outside). I continued to make polite conversation with this imbosile and went to leave. As I did he then proceeded to tell me his biggest problem with us (he's been here a whole 2 months) is that our front garden is not manicured enough and we should mow it twice a week like he does as our house in bringing down the propery value in the street!

Well that did it! Our front yard is actually looking the best it has since we built the house. We have had to establish everything from scratch and things were starting to look quite good. His lawn is like a carpet with standard roses and that sort of thing. I looked around and said "Well I can see worse yards than ours" to which he replied "But one shouldn't set exception to the rule" or something like that. I then threw back at him that as we were a family with priorities we either pay out to get our lawnmower fixed to make the lawn look better or we get new, non see through fencing to stop the dogs barking, we can't do both. And I walked inside.

So by then I was fuming. Everyone in our street apparently hates us and we are bringing down the property values! So more bad eating and non exercise ensure that weekend. I am also now miss busybody, writing down every barking dog, every noise, everything, just to cover our butts incase the ranger turns up one day.

Then yesterday I went for my appraisal. And I loved it. I love the program that Pauline (the personal trainer) set for me and I felt great. I thought stuff it! I'm going to start again right now! I'm not going to drop out of the challenge, I'm just going to do the best I can in the time that's left. I also made 2 definate decisions to try and help me get over my down state of mind.

Every week the following 2 things will happen without fail, just for me:

1. I am going to walk around the river with mum again like I used to. I love doing that. It gets me out of the house, keeps me distracted while I do it and I get exercise all at the same time.

2. I am going to treat myself to a milk bath like the lady at the day spa told me I could. She told me how to make one and I will do it while Caitlyn has her long nap. That way I am doing something just for me.

Almost finished, long post huh!

So today we troddled off to town to do our walk. And today we walked the full city side of the foreshore. We did it in 25 mins. When we got to the other end, we had a small breather (my mum is 59, she needed it) and while she sat I did 10 squats, then I lent up against a tree and did 10 pushups, then I did 10 squats and then 10 pushups and then we set off and walked the 25mins back to the car.

I FELT AWESOME and so did my mum. I didn't care walked I looked like to the peak hour traffic while I was doing my squats and pushups. I didn't care how red I looked in the face to all of the fit, thin people jogging past me, I felt terrific.

So it is a definate that we will do it every week. Mum wants to do it twice and is going to take my sister in with her one the other day. I am hoping that we can lose this weight together as she has been as depressed as me lately and she just wants to lose 15-20kg so I would like to help her do it with me.

So today I am feeling much better in the head. I am happy and I feel things have now changed for the better.

But I am still spying on my neighbours!

Battling

Yep, am off track again.

I decided last week when I weighed in (a 900g gain that I was expecting) that I would just take some me time and take a break from the weight battle. You see I am battling other things at the moment. I'm battling feeling of being useless and a failure as I weigh more now than I did at the beginning of the year. I am battling the constant feeling of being tired with no energy (even after a good workout at the gym). Lately I have been feeling miserable and depressed at stupid little things.

Like last Friday. Pete had his day off so I used my day spa voucher at last. When I left Caitlyn was asleep. I had her formula all measure out and told Peter to empty both sides of the container into the bottle. I left him sitting at the table playing with his fishing tackle.

I had the best 2 hours at the spa and felt terrific, sure that I felt good enough to get over my slight gain and back to action. But when I got home, Caitlyn was happily playing on the floor, Pete was still sitting where I had left him playing with his fishing stuff, no dishes had been done, no washing, no cleaning or tidying and I discovered that he had only put half the formula in her bottle, claiming he didn't hear me say both lots.

I just looked at everything, walked to the toilet and broke down. I felt miserable, like I have to do everything and the only reason I'm around is to play maid and childcarer. Then that afternoon I got my TOM, AGAIN!!! I had it just 2 weeks ago. Explains my mood.

Then Saturday Caitlyn got diarrohea and has had it for the last 4 days. In the matter of nine hours I changed 7 pooey nappies at one stage. She is now starting to come right with the help of some rice cereal. She had a gastro bug, I think the same one that made Bethany throw up 2 weeks ago, because now my mum and my sister have it.

The thing is I am still in the same mood. I know its not the baby blues, as the only time I feel good is when I am playing with my girls, especially the reactions Caitlyn is giving me at the moment.

So I have taken this week to take the pressure off, eat what I want, relax and start to get things organised to try again. I am trying different, new diet foods to see what I like, I have started taking a womens multivitamin to help give me more energy. I have an appointment at the gym next Tuesday for an appraisal. I still feel fat and miserable but there is nothing much I can do about it as I only have myself to blame.

I am probably going to weigh even more this week, but so be it. Let's just say that it will be the highest I will be this year and the only way is down, because I really, truely don't want to get any bigger. Hopefully by Friday weighin the vitamins will have kicked in to give me more energy, my TOM will be gone and I'll be raring to go.

Sorry this post has been whinging and a real downer, but I really feel this bad if not worse. I'll post a better, upbeat one tomorrow, I promise.

Before I go, heres a recent pic of the lights of my life:

MIA

Sorry I have been missing in action for a while. Got a phone call the Saturday after my last entry from my uncle in Sydney saying, "surprise, we are coming over and will be there next Saturday". So it was panic stations and clean up madness for the last week but things are calming down now.

I went to the gym again the Friday after my first visit, but then did nothing Saturday, Sunday or Monday. That Friday I also had another 100g loss. I felt yucky for not doing anything for those 3 days so I went back to the gym Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday but Friday was far too flat out cleaning, shopping and organising. I was so sure that after all my good work I was going to have a decent loss for a change but guess what, I stayed the same! How disappointing!

Since then I have done no exercise and my eating has been attrocious (partly emotional, partly busy entertaining going outty) so I know for sure that I am due for a gain this week. But will be back to the gym tomorrow to try again.

Was watching some of the home video we have taken over the last couple of days and was playing eyetoy too and am totally disgusted by the way I look so it is up to me to do something about it. I have also realised that I have had barely any photos taken with Caitlyn since she has been born (did the same thing with Bethany) because of the way I look and I am so disappointed so it's time to move this big fat butt.

Well sorry for the direct and short entry but I have Bethany wanting to get out of the bath and Caitlyn squealing to be picked up so must sign off but will get back to regular updates again as I think that also helps me keep things under control too and when I don't gives me a way to go off the rails without feeling accountable.

I need you guys to keep me honest!