Today's the Day

Well, as promised, here I am, Day 1 and ready to go.

First things first, my weighin. I haven't weighed myself for a month now and was quite scared about getting back on those scales. I was sure I was back in the 100's, just by the way my body feels when I walk. Well, first thing this morning, I climb on the scales, totally butt naked and I am ...... 96.9kg. So that wasn't as bad as I thought.

Made sure I had breakfast this morning, 25g Cheerios and 1/2 a cup of skim milk. And that's it so far today. We quickly nicked to the shop and Pete decided to try a Pretzos Pretsil (today of all days, the shops been there for 3 months now at least) waves it in front of my face and says "want to try it" I give him a foul look and say "Hello, first day of WW" he says "just try a little bit, it's nice" I give him really dirty look and say "stop trying to sabotage me, this is hard enough as it is" End of conversation, quite happy with myself.

Need to keep going today and even manage a walk. May walk to school and pick Bethany up if weather holds off. Can get 30mins by myself and then the 20min walk back with her. That would be good, fingers crossed.

I just keep saying to myself, get through today and it will only get easier, but we all know the truth don't we LOL.

Missing in Action

Geez, have I been off the radar for a while.

Flashback to last month. I really hit a big low with my depression. By the 1st of June it had totally consumed me to the point where I sat crying in the shower for half an hour just not wanting to move or even try and get out. The thing that sent me over the edge? A totally innocent comment from my beautiful daughter in the middle of the shopping centre. We had had a totally stressful week as we were changing our mortgage provider and trying to arrange renovations for our house. That afternoon I nicked over to the shop, with Bethany in tow. Pete had asked me to get him a couple of beers, which I did, and while getting our shopping I thought to myself, well if he is having them, I might just have some choccy, and grabbed myself some. Then, while waiting in line, Bethany looked up at me, poked me in the stomach with her finger and said at the top of her lungs, "You've got another bubby in your tummy, haven't ya mum". Everyone turned around to look at me and smiled, obviously thinking I was pregnant and I just turned bright red. When I got to the checkout assistant, I handed her the chocolate, saying we didn't need it any more and I raced home to which I locked myself in the bathroom. It was two days before my 31st birthday and I was over 20kg heavier than I was 2 years ago and about 12kg heavier than I was last year.

Then next morning I made a vow to myself to just relax. Stay away from everything weigh related for a month and not go anywhere near the scales, which I haven't. And I'm glad I did because since then things have only got more stressful. We are still in the middle of our renovations, in fact our garage door is being put on this very minute as I type. I had my father-in-law here for a whole week painting our house (it seemed like a good idea at the time, but two days into it I was tearing my hair out!) and then I had Bethany's 5th birthday party on Saturday with a bouncing castle booked and hail and thunder in the morning, talk about stressful.

But here I am today, still alive, and getting stronger by the day. I know my weight has ballooned out, not from weighing myself but by the clothes that fit and don't fit. But in four days time, I am going to start again. I am going to remove all my gains and losses from my sidebar. Clear the slate and get rid of all negativity. I am ready to try again and I hope that my month off hasn't chased you all away because I am going to need all the help I can get. In fact I think there are actually only about four or five or you out there that still read my blog, so I thank you. If there are any lurkers (people who don't leave comments) reading my blog, please let me know because I need all the support I can.

And just before I sign off, here is a pic of my birthday girl looking so grown up.

And her beautiful smile

I am spending the next couple of days catching up with all of you and what has been going on over the last month. Four sleeps to go.

See you all soon.