Revelations, decisions and an SOS

Okies, where to start? Would you believe it has taken me the last 3 days to type this entry.

Firstly, and typically, as soon as I told you all that Caitlyn was sleeping through the night, she stopped and hasn't since. Not fair!

Didn't end up going for our river walk last Thursday but went Friday instead. Weighed in Friday morning with a 600g up to 95.4kg but was expecting that with Easter. Was really looking forward to our walk. Told mum because I had Bethany I would be going slower than usual (usually try to do a bit of powerwalking) but for her to go on ahead like normal. So Bethany, Caitlyn and I set off on a gentle stroll. Now I usually do the whole walk in 25mins but didn't even manage to get half way in 20. By this time I was feeling lightheaded, nauseas, seeing stars and ready to pass out. So we turned back to the car where I just sat on a bench waiting for mum to come back.

This really upset me. A simple bit of exercise that we had been doing for weeks I couldn't do properly anymore. I haven't been going to the gym and now I couldn't even walk. So hit the dumps again for the weekend. Sent a really pathetic email to Paulene complaining about how bad I have been doing and with the 12 week challenge ending this Friday and me losing nothing how miserable I was. I really hit rock bottom over those 3 days.

Then Monday afternoon, Caitlyn was down for her last nap, dinner was cooking so I said to Peter that I was going for a gentle walk around the block. About 13mins into it I got dizzy again so slowed right down but kept going. While walking I thought to myself that I really had no excuse not to exercise, not even a little. It wouldn't kill me to do some situps and pushups n the mornings at least until I started to get this head business sorted out. When I got back after my 30mins I felt so good and happy with myself.

Yesterday I did 40 situps and 20 pushups in the morning and another 30min walk in the afternoon, this time with no dizzy spells at all and today(Wednesday) I did the same and even managed a bit of powerwalking.

So I have now got my thoughts sorted and am feeling good. Am not looking good however. Am back to a size 18-20 (after promising myself I would never be in 18's again). And I was thinking today about what Kimberlie on Aussie Biggest Loser said the other day. She said that she wasn't doing it for the money, she was doing it for the embarrassment as a motivation because after everyone seeing how big she was she had to hold herself accountable. So guess what. I am going to do the same! Not in bra's and knickers like her but in my new bathers that I got off Ebay today. I can't believe I am actually going to do this. Anyone who does not want to be scarred for life scroll quickly past these photos. OMG, I am actually going to do this, shit.

There, now its down and now everyone knows. But trust me, it is the last time I am going to look like THIS! (Can't you tell by my face that I am just extatic about having these pics taken) I still can't believe I have done this!!!!!!!!!

Onto today, which is now Friday. Weighed in at 94.8kg, a loss of 600g. This means in the 12 weeks of Pauelene's challenge I have lost a grand total of..... 800g which equals about 66g a week. Woohoo (a touch of sarcasm). Well I suppose at least it wasn't a gain.

Now for my SOS. Part of the reason I am the size I am is because I don't eat a good variety of good foods and am looking for some help to get me eating more vegies. I mean when it comes to cooked vegies I eat potato and peas. That's it although over the last week and part of trying to improve I am now eating cooked carrot and beans. When it comes to salad I eat iceberg lettuce and carrot. And they are the only vegies I eat hence, being fat. I am looking for help from anyone on some ideas or recipes to get me eating more vegies. Any dressings, any salads, any nice soups, anything to get me eating better. If I could just sit down and have a bowl of vegies for lunch it would help greatly instead of having sandwiches or crackers. So please, PLEASE, anyone who thinks they can help please send me an email to bethanysmum2002@yahoo.com with your ideas.

Well must be off now, dinner to cook, children to bathe and get ready for bed. Will catch up with you all again soon. (And finally I get this finished considering I started it on Wednesday).