Flat out

I typed this last Friday at work but have been so flat out that I haven't had time to finish it until now....

Well here I am, back again. It has been quite a while since my last entry and I apologise for being so slack but it has been quite full on around here.

Not just the usual Christmas stuff but also due to the fact that I have gone back to work full time. It is just a temporary contract – I finish on Jan 18, but it is 8.30am-4.30pm but including travel time I am gone from the house from 8am-5pm. The reason I am doing it, the money is great. I get paid nearly $24 an hour and my first pay was for only 3 days (started at the end of the pay week) and I cleared $470 after tax. It has been a real big help with Christmas and bills and stuff. It has been quite exhausting! I take my hats of to ladies like you Karen and Lyn who do it all day, every day. My house has gone to rack and ruin, the girls have been right out of schedule. Last night was the first night in a long time that they were both in bed by 8pm. Lately Caitlyn has been down at 9 and Bethany even had a 10pm bedtime on Christmas eve, but that was due to getting everything ready for the next day.

So now it is time for things to settle down and go back to normal and for my stress levels to decrease.

The last time I made an entry here I was getting things ready for Caitlyn’s 1st birthday party. That went well and she was well and truly spoiled. Got some great pics, which I will put at the end of this epic post.

Moving on to Bethany, she received the academic award for her class at the awards ceremony on the second last day of school. She is now reading at a good year 2 level. She goes into year 1 next year but is being put in a year1/year2 split class so they can develop her reading skills with the year 2’s but still do normal year 1 work. So proud!

Onto me. Well, I have tried but it has been hard. I lost 2.3kg in Paulene’s last challenge bringing me down to 85.5kg but have not been for a proper walk for the last month and a half at least, eating has well and truly been shite and in the last 2 and a half weeks have put on a good 2.5kg, but on the good side, that is also including my Christmas eating of the last 2 days too. I am still out of the 90’s and am still 10kg down from my highest weight at the end of June of 97kg so that is still something to be proud of for this year.

Speaking of the year, it is fast coming to a close. I am going to give my site a real overhaul in the next few days, bright and ready for the start of a new year. My stats from the side will be wiped clean, ready for some real weight to shift. My goals will be refreshed. My start weight will be the 87kg I weighed myself at today, my first weighin will be next Friday 4th January 2008. So from today I have 14.2kg to lose to get to my lowest ever weight, and 20kg to lose to get to my goal weight. I would like to be at my goal weight, or at least 69.9kg by my 10th wedding anniversary, September 26th, next year. That is 39 weeks from today to lose between 17.1kg and 20kg. Big ask but I’m up for the challenge. Wish me luck.

.... back to now, well since then things have got even more caotic and my weight has crept up almost another kilo. So my goal for the rest of this week (a whole 2 days) nothing drastic, just get on track. Track my eating, try and find some time to do a walk today and tomorrow (even though it is going to be 38degrees today and 40degrees tomorrow) and drink water. That should give me a good start for next week to shift some of this latest excess.

So now pic time

Caitlyn the day after her first birthday (heaps of pics taken but no really nice ones unless you include the ones where she helped herself to her cake before it was time) and her birthday cake (yes, it is supposed to be a Care Bear).

Bethany in her first ever tap dancing costume (this one was my favourite out of all of her costumes this year)

My beautiful Christmas Angels posing for a pic to go in everyones cards this year.

I hope everyone had a Happy and Safe Christmas and New Year. It is a New Year, every mistake from last year gone, forgotten and onto better things.

This is THE year!

Flat out!

Geez, what a week. I've been flat out and I'm still at it.

I have dance costumes to make, house cleaning to do, 1st birthday party to organise, more stuff to sell on Ebay and the normal day to day stuff as well.

This will only be a quickie update cos Caitlyn's due to wake up shortly and I want to get all the washing on the line before she wakes.

OK, weighin on Friday and the start of Paulene's new Challenge. Result - 300g loss down to 87.8kg. Not a lot but hey I was expecting a gain cos TOM was due on Tuesday and still hadn't shown up so I was happy. Last month I had a 1kg gain. Unfortunately TOM showed on Sunday so will probably have a gain this week although I'm working my darndest not to let it happen.

Am totally enjoying my evening walks now with daylight savings. I put Caitlyn down at 8pm and walk straight out the door. I still have a little light for about half of my walk and it is quiet and totally relaxing.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention last week that I am back in size 16! How could I forget that! I told Pete I had to buy new pants because the only ones I had had to be held up with safety pins at the sides and I can't fit into my old size 14s so I went into KMart and yep, back to 16. I love them so much I put another 2 pairs on layby.

Great, I can hear somebody calling me. Oh well there goes the washing til Pete gets home this afternoon. Better go and get her before she gets upset. I had a whole 5 mins to do this post. Woohoo!

Feeling Blah

Hiya guys. Sorry for the lack of updates but the last few days I have been feeling blah. Not miserable or anything, but not... enthusiastic, I suppose you could say.

So weighin yesterday was a 1kg loss, down to 88.1kg. However the last couple of days with this feeling I have taken my foot off the pedal. I haven't tracked and I haven't exercised. Maybe it could be that TOM is due on Tuesday (I remember I had a gain last month at this time) or maybe it could be that next Friday I am starting Paulene's Christmas Challenge and I just want to ease off for a week before hitting it hard again, I don't know.

I mean I haven't gone stupid. Yesterday up until dinner I had 7 points but last night we treated ourselves to takeaway pizza. Not the usual Dominos or Pizza Hut. We went to the little local shop around the corner that does traditional woodfired pizza, so hopefully a little less fattening and it was sooooo nice. And Thursday I had some chocolate biscuits and some of mum's hot chips at lunchtime but had lite fish and WW chips for tea for a total of 7 points. So not too crazy but I know the scales will be up from yesterday so it's time to put a holt to it and ease back to normal.

Although with the weather the way it is it has been a bit hard to get out for a walk the last couple of days. Thursday it was tropical humid and 30, yesterday rain and cold, today freezing, windy, rainy and 17. Goodness the weather is weird lately.

Tomorrow our Daylight savings starts so hopefully the weather will fine up and I will be able to get out for walks after Caitlyn has gone done at 8pm. I am looking forward to it as I feel that lately I am going too soon after dinner and it is affecting me (I get very lethargic if there isn't a decent 30min break in between).

Well better dash. A storm has just hit with sideways rain and hail. The animals are begging to be let in.

Catchup again soon

Getting refocused

Well, Paulene's 6 week challenge has come to an end. Final weighin on Friday for me was a 700g loss, down to 89.1kg. A total of 4.8kg in 6 weeks. Not too bad. Would like to have lost an extra 200g to get me down to the 88's but hey.

Since Friday I seem to have taken my foot off the pedal a little. I think because the challenge ended. On Saturday I had a total of 19 points for the day and went for my walk/jog. Friday I had a good dinner. missed breaky and ate 2 naughty things (some licorice and a cream cake) and didn't get out for a walk. Yesterday I had breaky (3points), lunch and dinner (15 points) but didn't get out for a walk again as Pete was working. So this morning I thought I had better check the damage and the scales are up, not as bad as they could be, but up still the same.

So today its back to basics and focusing on a new goal. It's 9 weeks to Christmas and I would like to be 85kg by then. That's 4.1kg in 9 weeks. Totally doable if I stay focused.

Onto my walking (when I have made it outside) I can now job for 4 mins non stop. Getting better! I have never jogged that long before at all. Even when I lost my weight last time, it was all by walking so I am quite proud. Hopefully soon I will be able to jog as long as you Paulene!

I know, big deal, but it is for me.

Well better shoot off. Dinner to be cooked, daughters to be bathed.

See you all soon

Have you ever??????

Have you ever seen a grown woman skipping around her house with so much joy at 6.45am in the morning?

If you had been in my house 10 minutes ago you would have seen me doing just that. I jumped on the scales today after seriously working my butt off for the last week and had a 1.8kg loss, down to 89.8kg. YES, I AM AN 80's GIRL AGAIN.

I had to check it 3 times. It is about 3 and a half years since I hit 89kg for the first time and it feels just as good today as it did then. And the best thing about it is I did it a week early. I had 89.9kg as my end goal for the 6 week challenge I am doing with Paulene and there is still a week to go. Woohoo.

Other than that, things are good. Bethany is still bored eventhough in the last week she has been to the beach, been to the Royal show, done cutting and glueing, done cooking. Today we are painting, Sunday is swimming lessons and a drive to her Grandparents for a BBQ (must be good) and Monday to the zoo. Then Tuesday she is back to school and I won't know what to do with myself.

And also, thanks very much to Kate, I have finally learned to do digital scrapbooking. I have been a mad scrapper since the beginning of 2004, but digital scrapbooking was something I had never tried. Back in May, I made personal invitations for Bethany's birthday party using Powerpoint. They looked OK, I mean other mums wanted me to make theirs, but to me they still seemed a bit rough. After Kate launched her scrap page a couple of weeks ago, I was looking at it thinking, I could do that and I could make the invites for Caitlyn's first birthday. So after following the links Kate had for doing tutorials I made my first ever digital scrapbook layout.




and I also did the invite



the I put adhesive magnetic strips on the back so people could stick them to their fridges. Quite proud.

Well must shoot now, Bethany has just woken up and I need to get her some breakfast. Caitlyn has already had hers after waking up and 6.30am (typical one sleeps in, the other doesn't).

See you soon.

PS Oh, by the way, yesterday I jogged for a whole 2 mins non stop. Yet another woohoo.

As expected

Well, as expected, I had a gain on Friday. I was so lucky that it was only a 1kg gain, taking me back to 91.6kg, it could have been a lot worse.

Since Friday I have been religiously tracking, even overtracking (if it is worth 2.5 points I put down 3, just to make sure) and been walking everyday. In fact yesterday I even got myself out of bed at 6.30am (on a Sunday!) so I could walk before Pete left for work because he wouldn't be home in time for me to walk in the afternoon before tea.

And salad. Due to our lovely weather we have had salad for the last 3 days. Love it! I can already feel the TOM bloat has gone and I feel normal again.

And I am really enjoying my walking again. After reading Paulene's blog about going back to jogging I thought back to when I used to jog. I was about 10-15kg lighter than I am now when I started adding jogging to my workout but yesterday morning I thought "what the ..." and did it. Just a little bit but I felt so good after doing it, eventhough I could feel every bit of blubber bouncing (especially around the hips, buttocks and thighs).

The last few days has been a strain with Bethany constantly "what can I do" or "what do I do now" or "can I do this now". So today after watching her Hi-5 christmas DVD she asked if she could make some of the decorations that they made, so out came the glitter, glue and cardboard and we have started making the chains that they made. Since then she has been constantly talking about Christmas. "When can I see Santa", "how many sleeps to Christmas", "can I put the star on top of the tree when we decorate it" and so on. It's all too close. It's 6 weeks today until Caitlyn's first birthday and then 5 weeks to the day after that until Christmas Eve. OMG, 11 weeks today until Christmas!

Well. better sign off. Caitlyn is cutting another tooth, so is in a foul mood. Doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to be put down, doesn't want to play. And Bethany is bored again.

See you soon

Not good

I must say I have just had the worst week weight-wise that I have had in a long time.

All my own fault of course.

Monday we had a party for Pete's birthday which involved cake and drinky drinks (have had any drinks in so long that I kind of had a couple too many)

Tuesday we went out for chinese for Pete's birthday (his birthday was actually Tuesday but because Monday was a public holiday we celebrated with friends on Monday and just us and the girls on Tuesday). But trying to be good only had one serving (no seconds) and no dessert but did have a soup entree. Also finally got TOM so am rather bloated.

Yesterday was our trip to the Annual Perth Royal Show. Tried to be good there too. Bought absolutely no showbags for myself. Had a choc milk (couldn't find the drinks van with the water and diet coke). Bought a chicken roll and chips for lunch but chips were disgusting so didn't eat them and then had our traditional hot donut in the car on the way home. Also bought myself the traditional toffee apple to eat after dinner. Not the best but could have been a lot worse. Usually there are lollies, chippies, chocolate, licorice and icecream so a vast improvement.

And since Sunday there has been absolutely no tracking but did do my walking right up until and including yesterday but am still expecting my first gain in quite some time. I just hope it's not too large. Have been very good today to try and ease it abit but with everything I have done, am expecting at least 1kg - 1.5kg but fingers crossed the gods will look down on me tonight and make it all go away. Yeah right LOL.

So will now leave you with a few pics from yesterday.

Bethany high atop the kiddie ferris wheel.

Finally having a nap after trying some free sample cookies.

My 2 girls at lunch time (not the best photo but it is so hard now to get a good pic of them at the same time!)

The 3 of us having a ride.

A fairy landed on her face!!!!

A tuckered out little bub at the end of the day with her new Dora doll.

Hard Work!

Man! this delivering catalogues is hard work! When I signed up to do them I forgot about one thing. Rolling them all. So basically my last week has comprised of this. Friday catalogues delivered. Spend Friday rolling them. Walking Saturday and Sunday to deliver them. Sunday mid week catalogues arrive. Spend Sunday afternoon and Monday rolling them. Walking Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday day off. Friday starts all over again.

A lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I was really unorganised last week. This week mum and I rolled them yesterday and so far this morning (it is 11am) I have done 1hour and 46mins worth of walking so far and I still have 128 houses to go to. I am trying to get them all done today because I have visitors coming on Monday and want to spend tomorrow cleaning and getting all of tomorrows delivery rolled.

Actually I have decided for the money I am getting, it is a little too much work. All in all I did about 5 hours worth of rolling and 6 hours worth of walking all for $80 and Bethany is starting to get upset that I am not doing anything with her anymore which makes me sad.

So I am only going to do it for another 2 weeks and by then I should have earned enough to pay for our Christmas layby.

Now on to week 3 of Paulene's challenge. Yesterday I weighed in at 90.6kg, a loss of 1.2kg. I think the catalogue delivering had a lot to do with that because TOM is due and usually I am bloated but hey, I'll gladly take it.

That means another 2 goals crossed off my list on the left. I have now lost over 5% of my body weight and lost 5.3kg since August 3 when I started. I am also within 700g of my goal for Paulene's challenge. I had set myself to get to 89.9kg, a loss of 4kg in 6 weeks and I am almost there. Woohoo!

Other than that, Bethany is now on school holidays so the next 2 weeks will be quite caotic between trying to keep her entertained, doing catalogues and keeping up with Caitlyn. She is always on the go and just today stole half of my Vegemite sandwich. The end result was quite funny though as I put a lot more on my sandwiches than I do when I make them for her.

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend. Think of me pounding the pavement.

Bye

Week 2

Sorry for lack of updates over the last week. No real reason, just flat out with day to day stuff.

Weighin this morning for week 2 of the challenge. A loss of 600gms, down to 91.8kg. Woohoo. Only 700gms to go to my next goal. Finished the week on 145.5/154 points (including points for unplanned takeaway on Wednesday) with 9 bonus points from exercise. The only negative to report is that my water intake dropped significantly.

Now call me a glutton for punishment or what but to try and help my exercise rate, yesterday I signed up to do letterbox distributions. I got a phone call last night saying that they needed me right away and this morning I got my first lot of catalogues. I am supposed to do 405 houses but only got enough to do 349 and I start tomorrow. I have Saturday and Sunday to deliver them. Then I get another lot to do Tues/Wed. I was lucky enough to get my street (which is one big circle) and the surrounding street so what I can do is set off on the big circle. Finished that and come back to the house to stock up for my street instead of having to take them all with me at once. Even if I do one lot tomorrow and the other lot on Sunday. The money isn't that crash hot ($36 twice a week) but like I said to Pete, I walk past all of these houses so why not make some money from it. It will be enough to get all of our Christmas pressies and some bills taken care of, even if I only do it to Christmas. The only thing I didn't think of was folding them all. DOH! but hey it only took me 2 hours.

Well must shoot off, Caitlyn is narky and I have to pick Bethany up in 15 minutes.

Hope everyone has a great weekendd.

Week 1 over and done

Well the first week of the challenge has come to an end. I finished the week on 123/154 points and a 1.5kg LOSS. Very happy with that. That is the biggest lost I have had in quite a while and it also bring me down to 92.4kg, so I have completed the first goal on my list to the left. I am now the lightest I have been this year. And going back through my old entries I have lost a total of 4.5kg since June 29. Geez it feels great.

I also had 2 non-scale victories this week. The first is on Tuesday I surrendered to temptation and bought a bag of licorice (one of my worst vices along with chocolate). I worked out the whole 400g bag was 20 points. Now in past months I have been able to eat a whole bag in 10 minutes but this time I sat down, counted out every piece (there were 60 pieces in the bag) and worked out I could have 15 bits for 5 points. So that was my treat for the day and I locked the rest of the bag in the car. Wednesday turned into a bit of a high pressure day for me and late in the afternoon I found myself driving along when I remembered the licorice. I told myself I would only have 5 points worth but this time couldn't stop myself and got up to 8 points. Very disappoined in myself I locked the bag back up. All night I kept beating myself up about it. There was still 7 points worth sitting in the car so the next morning when I picked mum up for shopping I gave the bag to her. All gone and very happy with myself.

My other victory was yesterday I wore one of my old size 16 tops. Woohoo. I came out of the bedroom in the morning and Bethany looked at me and said "Mum, you look nice". I felt great. Isn't it amazing that if your kids say something like that you feel great all day but if they say something negative (think back to the innocent baby in the tummy comment) it can bring you down so quickly.

So in summary, feeling very good and looking forward to the next 5 weeks of the challenge. I know I may not lose as much every week but I only aimed to lose just under half a kilo a week anyhow so todays weighin covers what I had planned to lose for the first 3 weeks.

Must shoot of now and do some cleaning while Caitlyn is still asleep.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Week 1, Day 4

Still plodding along. Ended up finishing yesterday on 17/22 points (including exercise points) and 1.3litres of water. Today was tougher. Spent this morning rushing around trying to get everything organised for Bethany's Sports Carnival. Didn't end up having breakfast so bought a sausage in a bun from the fundraising stall at the school. A 6.5pt start to the day is pretty high for me. However I watched everything else that I ate for the rest of the day and finished on 21/22 points and 800ml of water but unfortunately didn't manage to go for a walk. I did do my situps, push ups, squats and 60 steps on my aerobic step (30 each leg with weights).

So in tally for the first 4 days of the challenge I have had 71.5/88 points. Not too bad and I think I have even saved enough to cover those few chips I had yesterday.

Now onto the more important event of the day, Bethany's carnival.

Here she is waiting to race, she is the smallest of them all, second from the left, posed and ready to go.

and the end result ....

How cool is that. She won!!!

And the first thing she said to me was "I told you I could win, are you proud of me mum?"

Of course I was. I have never been so proud or happy for her.

Cruising along

Well here I am. Am on to day 3 of Paulene's new challenge and believe it or not, I'm surviving. I tried to help myself in the lead up by going for walks on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. They weren't continuous power walks or anything, just gentle walks over to the shops to pick up a loaf of bread or walking to school to pick Bethany up and then walking home. Friday dawned and I climbed those dread scales again. Weight: 93.9kg, so a 500g loss since last week and a good weight to start a 6 week challenge. I have set myself a goal of hitting 89.9kg by the end of the challenge and finally out of the 90's.

I also discovered yet another goal to add to my list on the side. My very first goal has changed to reaching 92.9kg. I have read every single entry I have done this year and that is the lowest weight I have been in 2007, way back in January. So once I get past that, I should be very happy with myself, and now I am not very far from reaching it at all.

On reading all those old entries, I noticed how many times I said I was "starting seriously" to try and lose weight and failed. But this time really does feel different. I don't know if because I have had several small losses in a row makes me feel more in control or because now I am lower than I have been since almost the beginning of the year I feel more confident in myself or what, I just feel like I can do it this time. Maybe I have just had enough and I know deep down that I have done it before and I can do it again.

Whatever the reason, I feel good. Good with myself and good with everything that is going on at the moment. Maybe that's another reason, I am not stressed about anything at the moment. This last week has actually been the lest stressful in a long, long time. I actually feel relaxed.

Anyhoo, onto some stats. Friday I had 16.5/22 points (including exercise points) and 750ml of water. Saturday I had 17/22 points (including exercise points) and 750ml of water. Today has been tough. Sundays Bethany does swimming lessons and we always have hot chips afterwards. Today I told mum we weren't getting any but she got a box anyhow. I allowed myself to indulge, and had a whole 8 chips. I don't know how many points that is but if I keep some spare by the end of today it should cover them. I was just so happy that I could actually restrain myself and stop myself from eating any more. I just didn't want to, I didn't want to ruin the good work I have done the last few days.

Well must sign off now, Caitlyn is due for her afternoon nap. The only thing I need to do now is improve my blog updating and things will be good. I have read everyone else's just slack with the whole commenting thing.

Catch up again soon.

Getting excited

I am actually really looking forward to starting Paulene's new challenge this week. My weight is still down (100g loss on Friday, not much but at least it's not a gain and quite good considering I also got TOM Friday morning), so have been right out of the 96's for a while and out of the 95's for a good couple of weeks. Hopefully starting this challenge will put an extra bit of omph into things and I can finally get out of the 90's for the first time this year.


The last week has been a bit hectic. Got a phone call last weekend inviting us to the in-law's 40th wedding anniversary party on Saturday so spent the week using my scrapbooking skills to make them a quite nice pressie.



Put it in a lovely scrapbook frame and they loved it.


Other than that, life is just blobbing along. Bethany has her first sports carnival this Friday so that is going to be quite interesting. They have been practising at school and she clearly takes after me, better with her brain than with her sports, but she laughs the whole time so that's the important thing.


And just today Caitlyn has started pulling herself up. She did it this morning, trying to reach the video player but then when she woke from her afternoon nap, I went in to get her and she was up and leaning over the top of her cot so as soon as Pete got home, the base was dropped. And tonight on doing it some more, she managed to lose her balance and fall a couple of times, so here comes the bumps and lumps.

Well must go now, dishes to do and cleaning to be done before bed. Will catch up with all of your blogs tomorrow.

Bye

Not too bad

Have been noticeably absent due to some significant family stresses and issues over the last couple of weeks. I can't go into it too much here but I can say that it is not within my immediate family (ie: hubby and kids) but with my next level of family. It has left me very tired with numerous migraines and worries.

Also Bethany's flu that has persisted on and off for the last 2 months has reared its ugly head yet again and from last Thursday until Wednesday night she (and we) did not have 1 full nights sleep. The worst was Tuesday night with about 5 hours sleep being had by her and myself (moved hubby into her room so he could sleep for work the next day). I marched her off to the doctor again on Wednesday and finally got some antibiotics and some chest cough suppressant and finally Wednesday night she slept through. Caitlyn, however, had other ideas and woke up at 3.30am (quite unlike her!) and stayed awake until 5.30am. Another 5 hours sleep had by me did not make for a very happy person yesterday. Was in bed at 9.30pm last night and she woke at 10pm. Pete was still up but I sat up ready to deal with her and started crying but before I could get out of bed, she stopped crying and was silent. So back to bed and thankfully I slept until 6.30am this morning. So it took 8 days but finally I had a full nights sleep.

I think Caitlyn's problem is the teeth that she is currently getting. About a week before she got her first one she woke up in the middle of the night. She is also getting Bethany's flu. The first night she woke up she was very snuffly and today has had a constantly running nose.

BUT... on top of all this I have still managed 2 successful losses. They have only been small but at least they are losses and I am further away from 96kg and I never want to go back there again!

I spent today catching up on everyone's blogs and after reading Lyn's I thought that I would revise my goals with smaller ones. I only had four goals and they were all biggies, get to 80kg, get to 74.9kg, get to 69.6kg and get to 65kg. So I have reassessed and given myself more realistic, smaller goals, some of which are quite close together. That way if I only lose a few 100 grams, like the last couple of weeks, it still brings me closer to a goal and something to feel good about.

I have also signed up for Paulene's new Springtime challenge and am determined to make the most of it. This one only goes for 6 weeks so am positively sure that only good things can come from it.

Well it is getting late and I still have dishes to do. I am dying to get in and spring clean the house but Caitlyn is at the stage where she wants someone to play with her all the time or if you take your eyes off her for a second she is randsacking her sister's playroom (well it will be they're playroom but at the moment it only has Bethany's toys in there - too many small bits). Might get mum to come around to pay her some attention while I clean.

Catch you all soon.
Bye

Another week begins

Well weighin Friday gave me a pleasant 1kg loss, down to 94.9kg. Not bad for only 4 days of tracking and 6 days of daily walks.

But I think I have managed to undo all my good work in just 3 days. Sometimes I think about that Pink song, "Don't let me get me"

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror

I can't take the person starin' back at me

I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

Its bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating

Don't wanna be my friend no more

I wanna be somebody else

It describes me perfectly. No matter how much I try, I always ending up doing something to ruin all my good work. I have no-one else to blame but myself, nobody else crams the stuff into my mouth and then I come down on myself for stupid little things. Like this weekend. I didn't go all out but it was just silly things. Like Friday I still did my aerobic exercises but didn't go for a walk, was pretty good all day but blew it that night by having some drinky drinks (haven't had any since before I got pregnant with Caitlyn so thought I could treat myself). Saturday didn't do any exercise at all, was pretty good again but once again had on small discrepancy which would have been enough to blow my points for the day and then yesterday again was pretty good for most of the day but splurged and had takeaway for lunch (haven't had it in over a week which is pretty good for us) and didn't do any exercise again.

As bad as that was I was pretty happy with myself when it came to the takeaway. Yes I did have a naughty burger but when it came to the fries, I had maybe 3 or 4 and then got up and walked away leaving the box on the table. I just didn't feel like eating them.

So today I steered away from the scales, not wanting to see how bad it could have been and was back to tracking and walking. I actually finished the day on 17 points, so have a few up my sleeve to try and help with my over indulgence. Not that I tried to save any, it's just today I didn't really feel like eating, had no snacks, just breakfast, lunch and tea. It's quite funny but over the last week I haven't felt like snacking really.

I need to try and make a battle plan to deal with weekends though. If I really want this to succeed I can't blow it every weekend. I also need to get serious with my water intake too. It is non-existant at the moment so I have a 1.25 litre bottle sitting on my kitchen bench tonight and it needs to be drunk from the time I wake up tomorrow.

I am also thinking about trying caffeine free diet coke. I read this on the Tony Ferguson Weightloss Program Website "While caffeine may at times slightly raise the metabolic rate, in the liver it inhibits or slows the conversion of stored fat back into glucose." And I am willing to try anything to help shift this weight. I was thinking about doing the program but don't have the $45 a week and really would prefer to lose weight using real food instead of meal replacements, even if it takes longer to do it.

So, pretty indepth update but if feels good to be blogging about all this stuff again. It's giving me direction and accountability.

Don't count ya chickens....

You know the saying, don't count your chickens until they've hatched.

Well that applies to my last entry. I proudly sprouted how I was feeling better and ready to go but the next morning I woke up with a sore throat and got sick again real fast. Luckily it didn't get anywhere near as bad as last time but I still felt rough. And then typically, my 2 girls got it again too. I tell ya, I can't wait until winter is over.

Anyhoo, I weighed myself Friday and weighed in at 95.9kg, so still a kilo down from last month but 400g up from that last weigh in. So I am going to count this as my new starting weight because the last month has been a real waste.

Fast forward to today and I am proud to say I have been for a 30min walk everyday since and including Saturday. I have tracked everyday since Monday and am feeling really good. For Monday and Tuesday so far I have had 37.5/44 points. I haven't felt this good about myself in a long time actually. I know I still have a long way to go but I just feel good that I am sticking to it properly this time and not letting myself down. Now I just have to improve my water drinking and sticking to regular blog updates.

Bethany had hosted her first ever school assembly this morning. I was so cute watching her sing the National anthem, singing songs and even going up to the mic and calling the deputy principal to present awards. She is growing up so fast. Here is her offical school photo for this year.

And Caitlyn is growing in leaps and bounds. She got her first tooth 2 weeks ago and now you can see it quite clearly whenever she opens her mouth. She says "bubba", "mum", "dad", and "OK" although not at the right people or things just babbling really but it sounds so cute. And last week she finally taught herself to go from sitting down onto her stomach so she crawl away so now I can no longer sit her down on the floor and try and clean as she just leans over and is off again in a matter of seconds. It's now chase the baby time! It is scarey to think that in just 3 month and a bit months she will be a year old. Time is just passing too quickly when it comes to my girls.

Well must log off now, need to do some cleaning while Caitlyn is having her last nap. Last chance I will get for the day so better make the most of it.

Catch you all again soon (promise!)

Back again

Please excuse the absence. Have been putting all efforts into getting better. Now I can actually do our washing without having a minor asthma attack so I think I am finally over it. I even managed to vac and wash the floors this morning so fingers crossed.

I feel that I am ready now to get back to wear I was before I fell ill. I even weighed myself this morning (haven't been near the scales since I got sick) and am still down from the 96.9kg I weighed in at on the 6th July but am up from the 95.5kg I weighed in at the week later. This morning I managed some situps, push ups and squats and so far today have used 3 points on breakfast with no mid morning snacking. Got to be happy with that.

Not much going on lately, had our family portraits done and I love them. Please excuse the quality but after scanning them discovered our scanner needs cleaning and also with them being professional pics, they scan a lot darker and I can master our photo editing program enough to get them to lighten up properly.

Cute Family

My big girl

My little girl (eveyone tells me she looks like a cabbage patch doll)

My beautiful girls

I feel so lucky and so blessed.

Bump in the road

Hi-de-ho everyone. I'm back again. All my plans for getting back on track hit a big bump in the road last Sunday, (not the one just gone) when I woke up with a massive pain in my chest, difficulty breathing and feeling totally crap. Went to the docs on Monday and was diagnosed with Bronchial Asthma. Put on anitbiotics and my asthma inhaler (haven't had to use that since April last year!). It hit me real bad too. Even today, I am still rather breathless and just getting the girls up in the morning, fed and dressed leaves me exhausted.

Then Monday afternoon, Caitlyn's eye that I am always having problems with started getting all mucky again. Tuesday she had full blown conjunctivitis (again!?!) but couldn't get back to the docs til Wednesday where she was given the usual drops and thankfully now the course of antibiotics is finished and she is back to normal.

THEN, Tuesday afternoon, Bethany started getting a bad fever. 39 degrees. Gave her panadol and after an hour seemed to ease. 6 hours later it was back again. This pattern continued. Mentioned it to my crappy doctor who practically ignored it as she was more interested in Caitlyn. By Wednesday afternoon, I was in full panick mode as we had recently had three children die in Western Australia from a combination of the flu and a bactirial virus, one of which was from our suburb. Rang our Healthdirect line who advised me to keep going until Thursday and if she was no better to take her to the doctor. Thursday morning came and she was fine. It was gone, over, done.

So not a lot of rest for me, which may be why I am still hacking like a steam train. So weightloss has taken a back seat for these last couple of weeks but as soon as I can breathe properly will be back to it.

And just before I go, a new pic of Caitlyn, taken in her walker on the weekend. We are having our updated family portraits taken on Saturday and I have been trying to work out what to do with her hair.

Week 1, over and done

Well my first week back on track didn't exactly go to plan. I didn't get any of the exercise I had planned, did manage to drink a little water (very little but still I had some) and just tried my best to control my eating.

TOM arrived Sunday so had to battle that, had some stresses pop up over a friend I had made with one of Bethany's friends mum. We became really good friends and last weekend at her daughter's birthday party discovered that she is an alcoholic and she had a couple of shots at me in front of her family and other mother's from our school and then on Monday couldn't even remember what she had said to me to upset me so had her on the phone for three days and now she barely speaks to me so that has been a little stressful (having first had experience with a relative who is an alcoholic, it is really painful to be exposed to it yet again).

Also had 2 of the big Christmas toy sales this week so planned out what the girls would be getting, organising mum and sister to help grab everything and get it all on layby (all done successfully by the way) Also grabbed Caitlyn's birthday presents as her birthday is a month before Christmas I could put them on layby too and just pick them up earlier. So Christmas for the kids is pretty much done.

Anyhow, with all of this going on I still managed a 1.4kg loss, down to 95.5kg (TOM probably helped out with that but I'll still take the loss LOL). So it's a start. All I can do is try to improve a little more this week with the exercise and the eating and I may managed another one. Once I get to 92 I'll be happy because I be in the low 90's and not far from the 80's again.

Well, best sign off for now. Bethany is on holidays now so I should be able to manage more updates as I won't be dashing off to school twice a day and trying to get everything done in between.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Today's the Day

Well, as promised, here I am, Day 1 and ready to go.

First things first, my weighin. I haven't weighed myself for a month now and was quite scared about getting back on those scales. I was sure I was back in the 100's, just by the way my body feels when I walk. Well, first thing this morning, I climb on the scales, totally butt naked and I am ...... 96.9kg. So that wasn't as bad as I thought.

Made sure I had breakfast this morning, 25g Cheerios and 1/2 a cup of skim milk. And that's it so far today. We quickly nicked to the shop and Pete decided to try a Pretzos Pretsil (today of all days, the shops been there for 3 months now at least) waves it in front of my face and says "want to try it" I give him a foul look and say "Hello, first day of WW" he says "just try a little bit, it's nice" I give him really dirty look and say "stop trying to sabotage me, this is hard enough as it is" End of conversation, quite happy with myself.

Need to keep going today and even manage a walk. May walk to school and pick Bethany up if weather holds off. Can get 30mins by myself and then the 20min walk back with her. That would be good, fingers crossed.

I just keep saying to myself, get through today and it will only get easier, but we all know the truth don't we LOL.

Missing in Action

Geez, have I been off the radar for a while.

Flashback to last month. I really hit a big low with my depression. By the 1st of June it had totally consumed me to the point where I sat crying in the shower for half an hour just not wanting to move or even try and get out. The thing that sent me over the edge? A totally innocent comment from my beautiful daughter in the middle of the shopping centre. We had had a totally stressful week as we were changing our mortgage provider and trying to arrange renovations for our house. That afternoon I nicked over to the shop, with Bethany in tow. Pete had asked me to get him a couple of beers, which I did, and while getting our shopping I thought to myself, well if he is having them, I might just have some choccy, and grabbed myself some. Then, while waiting in line, Bethany looked up at me, poked me in the stomach with her finger and said at the top of her lungs, "You've got another bubby in your tummy, haven't ya mum". Everyone turned around to look at me and smiled, obviously thinking I was pregnant and I just turned bright red. When I got to the checkout assistant, I handed her the chocolate, saying we didn't need it any more and I raced home to which I locked myself in the bathroom. It was two days before my 31st birthday and I was over 20kg heavier than I was 2 years ago and about 12kg heavier than I was last year.

Then next morning I made a vow to myself to just relax. Stay away from everything weigh related for a month and not go anywhere near the scales, which I haven't. And I'm glad I did because since then things have only got more stressful. We are still in the middle of our renovations, in fact our garage door is being put on this very minute as I type. I had my father-in-law here for a whole week painting our house (it seemed like a good idea at the time, but two days into it I was tearing my hair out!) and then I had Bethany's 5th birthday party on Saturday with a bouncing castle booked and hail and thunder in the morning, talk about stressful.

But here I am today, still alive, and getting stronger by the day. I know my weight has ballooned out, not from weighing myself but by the clothes that fit and don't fit. But in four days time, I am going to start again. I am going to remove all my gains and losses from my sidebar. Clear the slate and get rid of all negativity. I am ready to try again and I hope that my month off hasn't chased you all away because I am going to need all the help I can get. In fact I think there are actually only about four or five or you out there that still read my blog, so I thank you. If there are any lurkers (people who don't leave comments) reading my blog, please let me know because I need all the support I can.

And just before I sign off, here is a pic of my birthday girl looking so grown up.

And her beautiful smile

I am spending the next couple of days catching up with all of you and what has been going on over the last month. Four sleeps to go.

See you all soon.

What a week

Have not had the best of weeks.

Am actually feeling rather low today. Have had family issues, money problems, housework, school issues, everything being left to me to fix and put on my shoulders and on top of that am feeling really depressed about the way I look and the fact that it is raining and cold and I don't have one piece of winter clothing that fits me as last winter I was pregnant and the winter before that I was almost 72kg!

So after spending most of today wallowing around in my own misery I hoped on the computer to catch up on everyone else's lives. Paulene is so hyped at the moment to be back on the weightloss bandwagon and back at the gym and also Jules who is hit virgin fat and Janene who is back to tracking and back in her jeans and I thought to myself "stop feeling sorry for yourself girl and do something about it"

So I am going to! I know I have been saying that for weeks but I have to now. For my peace of mind. I want to be happy again and the only one who can do anything about it is me. So fingers crossed everyone and send me your positive thoughts.

Winds of Change

Well things are achanging in this household.

Firstly, I am starting to get better. I finally got my voice back sometime late Thursday. I still wake up in the morning kinda blocked up but for the rest of the day I'm fine now. The same with Caitlyn. She seems to only be congested when she wakes and when she goes to bed. I weighed in on Friday at 95.3kg, a gain of 500g, which I was expecting as I wasn't really considering anything last week except for trying to get better.

Secondly, my baby (well they're both my babies so my youngest) turned six months old yesterday. Today, I moved her cot into her own room, out of our room. I moved Bethany into her own room when she was six and half months old so roughly at the same stage. Once I had done it I felt so sad. I walked around the big empty spot in our bedroom just thinking she's gone now, she's growing up. It is going to be so strange to sleep without her (I bet I will wake every hour). I just hope she sleeps well. She took her 2 naps OK in there today after I had moved it so fingers crossed.

BATHTIME!!!!

Finally, I think I am ready to stop thinking about doing something about my weight and finally start doing something. I have had ENOUGH. No more excuses. I am having so much trouble get up and down off the floor after playing with the girls, I have no energy and I run out of breath far to easily. I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE AND HEALTHY AGAIN!

And its time to start NOW!

Well off to bed now to try and get some sleep on my first night alone (except for Pete but you know what I mean) Boo Hoo.

What goes around, comes around

Well, as to be expected, I got Bethany's flu bug. And I got it bad.

By 1.30pm last Monday, after doing my last blog entry, I started getting a sore throat and by 4pm I had the fever and no voice. I was so bad that come midnight, I was still awake shivering. Pete ended up taking Tuesday off to care for the girls and I spent most of the day sleeping, of course, Bethany was totally over the flu by now. By Wednesday the fever had gone but my throat was still killing me but I had my voice back. Pete however got a bit of a cough and some aches and pains but that was it as he gets a flu shot from work so he only got it a little. Thursday I was feeling much better but Friday I woke up without a voice again and at this stage in time I still don't have it back properly. Friday afternoon Caitlyn started looking very pale and not so lively. Saturday she woke up with a really runny nose and fever. She fevered on and off all day and that night I rushed to the chemist to get her more Panadol and also discovered some infants cold and allergy drops to help with her nose. Yesterday she seemed more herself but still very congested in the nose. Last night she had some major issues, waking every 20 minutes from about 9.30pm. By 11.15pm I bit the bullet and nursed her in bed on her side while I sat up and dosed on a pillow. Once she had stayed asleep longer than 20 minutes I transferred her back to her cot, turned out the lamp and started to drift off. 15 minutes later, Bethany woke crying from a bad dream. So come midnight we finally settled down to sleep. Luckily Caitlyn stayed asleep however Pete had to get up for work at 5.30am and Caitlyn woke at 6am, so not a lot of sleep was had by us grown ups.

So the flu absolutely guttered this household and Caitlyn and I are still waiting to recover.

I did weighin on Friday for the first week of Paulene's challenge and had a 1kg loss but I think that was just due to not eating a lot while ill and now that I am back to eating, will have to do it properly, I just have to get over this bug.

Well just a quick update today to let you all know how things are going. I do so hope that I wake with a voice and some energy tomorrow.

That time of the year

Have been flat out looking after Bethany over the last few days. Poor thing isn't very well and on cruising the blogs this morning have found that Paulene and Karen's wee Rachel haven't been well either. It is definately that time of the year for the bugs to start hitting.

Weighed in on Friday, ready to start the new 12 week challenge, with my weight back to 95.8kg. Definately didn't help that I got TOM that morning either, but you can't help bad luck.

The in-laws popped up on Saturday and made me feel good though, eventhough my weight was up. They both asked me (seperate to each other) if I was back on track because I had definately lost weight. They both didn't believe me when I told them no, in fact I was at one of my highest weights since the start of the new year.

So, here I am today, raring to go for a walk or to the gym but can't as Bethany is home from school, lying on the lounge watching the Wiggles. Will have to wait for Pete to get home and go then.

There are little exercises I can do, like my situps, pushups, squats that I can do so will do a little of them. I have also gone out and bought myself, wait for it, a skipping rope. I am going to start off slowly, like doing 10 jumps a day, and then build up because its been ages since I have used a skipping rope.

I have also asked my mum and sister to buy me for my birthday (in 4 weeks!) the 20kg punching bag and gloves in this weeks Kmart catalogue for $49.99. That would be great. Whenever I feel moody I can just go out and beat that instead of eating a chocolate bar.

So that's it for today. Must go and tend to Bethany, she is sooooo bored and really wants to go to school but I have told her she can't cause she would make all her friends sick. Poor thing.

Catchya later

Organising

Have been totally absent yet again but I am trying to get things organised so I can have a decent go of Paulene's next 12 week challenge. Well to be more accurate, I am trying to get a handle on this dizziness that I am still getting.

I have been trying to take things easy, thinking I might just be short on energy but now I get dizzy doing small things as well. Pete really wants me to go to the doctor about it but I don't really like my doctor anymore as she doesn't really listen, she just talks at you, if you know what I mean and I don't really want to payout any more money to her than I have to.

I think some of it could also be that I am not really eating properly anymore. I am back to just grabbing a bit when I have time, not planned breakfast and lunch, which wouldn't be helping my head or my energy levels either.

So, as I was saying, I did as little as possible last week but didn't really keep a watch on my eating which resulted in a 200g loss on Friday. What the? When I try to lose weight it doesn't work but when I don't try, I lose. No wonder people go insane trying to lose weight!!!!

So this week I am going to start with the basics, drinking water, eating properly and maybe just a gentle walk(weather permitting) to try and get a basic rhythm back in my body and hopefully everything will reset. If not I may be forced to go to the doctor.

I spent the whole of this morning catching up on everyones blogs although have failed to leave any comments on any(how antisocial of me). And most exciting of all, last week I found my inspiration again, literally. Way back in 2004, through the WW website, I stumbled on the blog of Lyn. She was an amazing lady who, just by reading her blog, inspired me to give it a try myself and hence my first blog was created. She lost heaps of weight and was almost to her goal when she had some personal problems and disappeared of the radar, totally understandable. Anyhoo, last week, through Karen's blog I have found her again. She has put some weight back on and is starting all over again to get back to goal. Since finding her blog, reading everything she has been through and how she has the strengh to try again has really given me a good boot up the butt and I am totally hanging out to start Paulene's challenge on Friday and give it a good shot. It is great to have Lyn back again, eventhough we have never met, it is like finding a long lost friend again and I am glad that we can try to get back to our goals again together.

Well must be off, Bethany finishes school in half an hour and I must (unfortunately) go and wake my sleeping Caitlyn so I can pick her up.

I vow to be back within the next couple of days to update. PROMISE.

Revelations, decisions and an SOS

Okies, where to start? Would you believe it has taken me the last 3 days to type this entry.

Firstly, and typically, as soon as I told you all that Caitlyn was sleeping through the night, she stopped and hasn't since. Not fair!

Didn't end up going for our river walk last Thursday but went Friday instead. Weighed in Friday morning with a 600g up to 95.4kg but was expecting that with Easter. Was really looking forward to our walk. Told mum because I had Bethany I would be going slower than usual (usually try to do a bit of powerwalking) but for her to go on ahead like normal. So Bethany, Caitlyn and I set off on a gentle stroll. Now I usually do the whole walk in 25mins but didn't even manage to get half way in 20. By this time I was feeling lightheaded, nauseas, seeing stars and ready to pass out. So we turned back to the car where I just sat on a bench waiting for mum to come back.

This really upset me. A simple bit of exercise that we had been doing for weeks I couldn't do properly anymore. I haven't been going to the gym and now I couldn't even walk. So hit the dumps again for the weekend. Sent a really pathetic email to Paulene complaining about how bad I have been doing and with the 12 week challenge ending this Friday and me losing nothing how miserable I was. I really hit rock bottom over those 3 days.

Then Monday afternoon, Caitlyn was down for her last nap, dinner was cooking so I said to Peter that I was going for a gentle walk around the block. About 13mins into it I got dizzy again so slowed right down but kept going. While walking I thought to myself that I really had no excuse not to exercise, not even a little. It wouldn't kill me to do some situps and pushups n the mornings at least until I started to get this head business sorted out. When I got back after my 30mins I felt so good and happy with myself.

Yesterday I did 40 situps and 20 pushups in the morning and another 30min walk in the afternoon, this time with no dizzy spells at all and today(Wednesday) I did the same and even managed a bit of powerwalking.

So I have now got my thoughts sorted and am feeling good. Am not looking good however. Am back to a size 18-20 (after promising myself I would never be in 18's again). And I was thinking today about what Kimberlie on Aussie Biggest Loser said the other day. She said that she wasn't doing it for the money, she was doing it for the embarrassment as a motivation because after everyone seeing how big she was she had to hold herself accountable. So guess what. I am going to do the same! Not in bra's and knickers like her but in my new bathers that I got off Ebay today. I can't believe I am actually going to do this. Anyone who does not want to be scarred for life scroll quickly past these photos. OMG, I am actually going to do this, shit.

There, now its down and now everyone knows. But trust me, it is the last time I am going to look like THIS! (Can't you tell by my face that I am just extatic about having these pics taken) I still can't believe I have done this!!!!!!!!!

Onto today, which is now Friday. Weighed in at 94.8kg, a loss of 600g. This means in the 12 weeks of Pauelene's challenge I have lost a grand total of..... 800g which equals about 66g a week. Woohoo (a touch of sarcasm). Well I suppose at least it wasn't a gain.

Now for my SOS. Part of the reason I am the size I am is because I don't eat a good variety of good foods and am looking for some help to get me eating more vegies. I mean when it comes to cooked vegies I eat potato and peas. That's it although over the last week and part of trying to improve I am now eating cooked carrot and beans. When it comes to salad I eat iceberg lettuce and carrot. And they are the only vegies I eat hence, being fat. I am looking for help from anyone on some ideas or recipes to get me eating more vegies. Any dressings, any salads, any nice soups, anything to get me eating better. If I could just sit down and have a bowl of vegies for lunch it would help greatly instead of having sandwiches or crackers. So please, PLEASE, anyone who thinks they can help please send me an email to bethanysmum2002@yahoo.com with your ideas.

Well must be off now, dinner to cook, children to bathe and get ready for bed. Will catch up with you all again soon. (And finally I get this finished considering I started it on Wednesday).

Long time, no post

Have been missing in action yet again but have been totally flat out what with easter and school holidays and such.

I didn't weigh in last Friday as I woke up in the early hours of Friday morning with TOM and it was all I could do to get out of bed and look after the girls, let alone worry about my weight.

Am definately expecting it to be up this week though as I did indulge over easter. Although I only had my first hot cross bun this morning (the last one in the pack) and I did get rid of a whole box of chocolates, a big easter egg and four mini packs of Tim Tams that were given to me (off loaded them to other people) to try to help me cut down.

So tomorrow it is back to basics. We are off on our weekly foreshore walk, although we won't be able to walk as far as we have Bethany with us, but like I said to mum, as long as we walk 15 minutes up and 15 minutes back we will get a good lot of exercise.

I had lots of photos taken on the weekend as mum had a mini reunion with her uncle, who is in his 70's (my great uncle) that she hasn't seen in 15 years and I have never met at all. He flew over from the eastern states with his wife, his daughter, her husband and her son and a bit more family. There was a big reunion last October but my mum couldn't afford to go over so they came to her. It was lovely but looking at myself in these photos as given me a good jolt. I look just like I used to back in 2004 when I first started trying to lose weight and I don't like it.

So (I know I have said this before) but I am back to the way I started. Track everything I eat and exercise. Even if I can't get to the gym, a half hour walk around the block. That way I am not too far from home if I need to get back to Caitlyn and the way I lost all my weight before was by walking only. I just need to keep things simple because I can't carry on this way anymore. I am even having trouble just getting up and down off the floor with Caitlyn.

My girls are just blooming.

Bethany got an honour certificate at school about four weeks ago (how slack am I for not telling you all earlier) and is doing advanced reading as she is already reading at year one level and they don't want to keep her stagnant for the year so she gets her own books that she has to read to us, instead of the books that the other kids get for the parents to read to them. I'm so proud. She can also now count from 1 to 100 by herself and also by tens(mum taught her that 3 weeks ago and now she won't stop).

Caitlyn is growing up so fast. We can't stop her rolling now and when she has her naps during the day we often find her on her stomach (SCAREY!) Thankfully she isn't doing that at night yet. She has also started on solids and her new favourite thing is blowing raspberries (much to Bethany's delight). I also changed her bedtime routine a week and a half ago and since last Wednesday she has been sleeping through, although on the weekend she did wake up at 4.40am and 5am as she had been all out of whack.

I will close tonight with just a few pictures for you.

Bethany on Easter morning (she wanted me to do her hair like she saw Kelly on Hi-5 the day before)

Caitlyn on her very first Easter morning.

Our little Easter Bunnies

Me & my girls (see how I hide behind them)

Catch you all tomorrow. Will be bright and energenic and raring to go (hopefully).

Where to start

Geez, what a past 2 weeks.

After my last epic post, will make this an ultra quick catch up.

After my update on the Wednesday and my awesome foreshore walk, went to the gym on Thursday to do my new program for the first time by myself. Halfway through I actually looked like someone off the Biggest Loser. I had sweat dripping where I hadn't sweated before! When I'd bend over to pickup my water bottle, sweat would drip onto the floor.

So, anyway, I was really good in eating and everything and Friday I weighed in with a 200g loss. Had to be happy with that, considering I started late that week. Friday I was back to the gym again but couldn't get there Sat or Sun. In the middle of the night Sunday, Bethany woke up with diarrhea, so was home from school Monday, couldn't go again and since Monday I have had it twice so arrive today and I haven't been to the gym since. I did do the foreshore walk again on Wednesday, although I didn't enjoy it too much with all my tummy pains. Friday I managed a 1kg loss, down to 94.8kg. and that practically brings me to today.

There is a lot more that has happened, but am not going to bore everyone with every minute detail, although I have backed down on spying on my neighbours so much, it was doing my head in!

I have a new weightloss goal. It is 17 weeks until Caitlyn starts swimming lessons and I will need to wear bathers again. I have 17 weeks to get down to the 80's at least. When I did swimming with Bethany when she was a baby I was 100kg and it wasn't a pretty site so if I can be somewhere in the 80's I will feel much better.

Well better run, Bethany has to be at school in half an hour and I am only half dressed. Will do a less rushed post later on.

Oh and when I get back from school I will catch up on all your blogs too. Soo much to do.

Seeya

Dogs and Plans

WARNING, EPIC POST AHEAD!

Well so much for a new start. I had planned to get back on the wagon last Friday but after a couple of events decided to postpone until this Friday.

I got on the scales and weighed in at 96kg. That was the last straw for me. All I could think was that 100kg mark was fast approaching again. Decided it was time to do something about it. Rang the gym and arrange for my personal appraisal for Tuesday so I could get a proper program up and running. I had also made the decision (it was stupid at the time and I have since changed my mind) to drop out of Paulene's challenge as I felt like everytime I looked at my progress I felt like a failure. I took Bethany to school, went and did the shopping and came home to a nasty note in our mailbox complaining about our beagle barking. The note claims that our dog (and then they specify the beagle) does not shut up and it is disturbing the peace and quiet of the street and that we should do something about it or they will report it to the ranger.

Now for the facts, yes our dogs bark but not at nothing. They will bark if somebody pulls up in the driveway, at people putting stuff in our mailbox or at cats. It is not the beagle that starts things, it is our silky terrier. The beagle will sometimes join in but 90% of the time it is our silky. For these people to have specified the beagle, they must have come onto our property and then of course, the beagle would have barked.

This was enough to bring my mood right down. I was shattered. We have lived here for 6 years. We have put up with other people dogs howling for hours on end, drag cars being started at 7am and driven down the road, people letting off fireworks on their driveways and so on but never made one complaint. And we have never had one complaint about our dogs and we used to speak to the people in 3 of the 5 houses around us. In the 6 months, 3 of these families have moved and we now have new neighbours so it must be one of these families.

I rang the ranger and asked what I could do, he said that if someone were to make a complaint they would then have to keep a diary to specify when the barking occured and for how long. So I decided I would keep my own diary, not just of my dogs, but of everyone in the street, including drag cars, other peoples dogs and any other rowdiness. (Aren't I a spiteful bitch)

So the next day I spoke to a new neighbour on our immediate left. He said he does have a problem with our dogs and so does nearly everyone else in the street. I proceeded to tell him the whoever the complainant was had got it wrong as it was our silky, not the beagle and since I had brought the silky inside 20 hours earlier, there had not been one bark from our house as opposed to other houses (including the other new neighbours whose dog barked at us for the 20mins we were speaking outside). I continued to make polite conversation with this imbosile and went to leave. As I did he then proceeded to tell me his biggest problem with us (he's been here a whole 2 months) is that our front garden is not manicured enough and we should mow it twice a week like he does as our house in bringing down the propery value in the street!

Well that did it! Our front yard is actually looking the best it has since we built the house. We have had to establish everything from scratch and things were starting to look quite good. His lawn is like a carpet with standard roses and that sort of thing. I looked around and said "Well I can see worse yards than ours" to which he replied "But one shouldn't set exception to the rule" or something like that. I then threw back at him that as we were a family with priorities we either pay out to get our lawnmower fixed to make the lawn look better or we get new, non see through fencing to stop the dogs barking, we can't do both. And I walked inside.

So by then I was fuming. Everyone in our street apparently hates us and we are bringing down the property values! So more bad eating and non exercise ensure that weekend. I am also now miss busybody, writing down every barking dog, every noise, everything, just to cover our butts incase the ranger turns up one day.

Then yesterday I went for my appraisal. And I loved it. I love the program that Pauline (the personal trainer) set for me and I felt great. I thought stuff it! I'm going to start again right now! I'm not going to drop out of the challenge, I'm just going to do the best I can in the time that's left. I also made 2 definate decisions to try and help me get over my down state of mind.

Every week the following 2 things will happen without fail, just for me:

1. I am going to walk around the river with mum again like I used to. I love doing that. It gets me out of the house, keeps me distracted while I do it and I get exercise all at the same time.

2. I am going to treat myself to a milk bath like the lady at the day spa told me I could. She told me how to make one and I will do it while Caitlyn has her long nap. That way I am doing something just for me.

Almost finished, long post huh!

So today we troddled off to town to do our walk. And today we walked the full city side of the foreshore. We did it in 25 mins. When we got to the other end, we had a small breather (my mum is 59, she needed it) and while she sat I did 10 squats, then I lent up against a tree and did 10 pushups, then I did 10 squats and then 10 pushups and then we set off and walked the 25mins back to the car.

I FELT AWESOME and so did my mum. I didn't care walked I looked like to the peak hour traffic while I was doing my squats and pushups. I didn't care how red I looked in the face to all of the fit, thin people jogging past me, I felt terrific.

So it is a definate that we will do it every week. Mum wants to do it twice and is going to take my sister in with her one the other day. I am hoping that we can lose this weight together as she has been as depressed as me lately and she just wants to lose 15-20kg so I would like to help her do it with me.

So today I am feeling much better in the head. I am happy and I feel things have now changed for the better.

But I am still spying on my neighbours!

Battling

Yep, am off track again.

I decided last week when I weighed in (a 900g gain that I was expecting) that I would just take some me time and take a break from the weight battle. You see I am battling other things at the moment. I'm battling feeling of being useless and a failure as I weigh more now than I did at the beginning of the year. I am battling the constant feeling of being tired with no energy (even after a good workout at the gym). Lately I have been feeling miserable and depressed at stupid little things.

Like last Friday. Pete had his day off so I used my day spa voucher at last. When I left Caitlyn was asleep. I had her formula all measure out and told Peter to empty both sides of the container into the bottle. I left him sitting at the table playing with his fishing tackle.

I had the best 2 hours at the spa and felt terrific, sure that I felt good enough to get over my slight gain and back to action. But when I got home, Caitlyn was happily playing on the floor, Pete was still sitting where I had left him playing with his fishing stuff, no dishes had been done, no washing, no cleaning or tidying and I discovered that he had only put half the formula in her bottle, claiming he didn't hear me say both lots.

I just looked at everything, walked to the toilet and broke down. I felt miserable, like I have to do everything and the only reason I'm around is to play maid and childcarer. Then that afternoon I got my TOM, AGAIN!!! I had it just 2 weeks ago. Explains my mood.

Then Saturday Caitlyn got diarrohea and has had it for the last 4 days. In the matter of nine hours I changed 7 pooey nappies at one stage. She is now starting to come right with the help of some rice cereal. She had a gastro bug, I think the same one that made Bethany throw up 2 weeks ago, because now my mum and my sister have it.

The thing is I am still in the same mood. I know its not the baby blues, as the only time I feel good is when I am playing with my girls, especially the reactions Caitlyn is giving me at the moment.

So I have taken this week to take the pressure off, eat what I want, relax and start to get things organised to try again. I am trying different, new diet foods to see what I like, I have started taking a womens multivitamin to help give me more energy. I have an appointment at the gym next Tuesday for an appraisal. I still feel fat and miserable but there is nothing much I can do about it as I only have myself to blame.

I am probably going to weigh even more this week, but so be it. Let's just say that it will be the highest I will be this year and the only way is down, because I really, truely don't want to get any bigger. Hopefully by Friday weighin the vitamins will have kicked in to give me more energy, my TOM will be gone and I'll be raring to go.

Sorry this post has been whinging and a real downer, but I really feel this bad if not worse. I'll post a better, upbeat one tomorrow, I promise.

Before I go, heres a recent pic of the lights of my life:

MIA

Sorry I have been missing in action for a while. Got a phone call the Saturday after my last entry from my uncle in Sydney saying, "surprise, we are coming over and will be there next Saturday". So it was panic stations and clean up madness for the last week but things are calming down now.

I went to the gym again the Friday after my first visit, but then did nothing Saturday, Sunday or Monday. That Friday I also had another 100g loss. I felt yucky for not doing anything for those 3 days so I went back to the gym Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday but Friday was far too flat out cleaning, shopping and organising. I was so sure that after all my good work I was going to have a decent loss for a change but guess what, I stayed the same! How disappointing!

Since then I have done no exercise and my eating has been attrocious (partly emotional, partly busy entertaining going outty) so I know for sure that I am due for a gain this week. But will be back to the gym tomorrow to try again.

Was watching some of the home video we have taken over the last couple of days and was playing eyetoy too and am totally disgusted by the way I look so it is up to me to do something about it. I have also realised that I have had barely any photos taken with Caitlyn since she has been born (did the same thing with Bethany) because of the way I look and I am so disappointed so it's time to move this big fat butt.

Well sorry for the direct and short entry but I have Bethany wanting to get out of the bath and Caitlyn squealing to be picked up so must sign off but will get back to regular updates again as I think that also helps me keep things under control too and when I don't gives me a way to go off the rails without feeling accountable.

I need you guys to keep me honest!

I did it! I did it!

Yep, I did it!

This morning I had 2 weetbix with skim milk before I took Bethany to school. Caitlyn was due for a nap at 9am so just as we walked into the gym she fell asleep. I left her in the creche and climbed on a treadmill. I did just a simple 30mins, no incline or anything. I did the first 10mins at 5km/h, the next 5 mins at 6km/h, the next 7mins at 5.5km/h and the last 8mins at 5km/h. I walked a total of 2.6km and burnt 179 calories.

I had a banana when I got home and an egg & salad multigrain sandwich for lunchI drank a litre of water for the day and had 2 lite choc chip biscuits for afternoon tea and stirfry and boiled basmati rice for tea.

The only bad thing for the day was Pete bought me home a choc sundae from Maccas and I ate it.

It was surprising how buggered but how human I felt after my gym session. I felt great and am going back on Friday (tomorrow Bethany and I are walking to school with one of her new friends and her mum) and I can't wait.

Well will log off now, got dishes to do and stuff. Just wanted to let you know that

I DID IT!

Back to bad habits

And I was doing so well last week too....

TOM has well and truly arrived and I seemed to loose my brain when it did. I have not done an ounce of exercise since last week, no water consumed and too much bad food eaten (especially chocolate and bread).

I am feeling fat and bloated and am still in a considerable amount of pain eventhough I have been going 3 days now. I still hurts just to stand up straight.

But I have had enough. Too much whinging, too much pitty and way too many excuses. It is nearly 8 weeks gone in the new year and I weigh just as much (if not more) than I did at the start.

Tomorrow no excuse. I WILL go for a walk tomorrow or even try and get to the gym (even if it is just t0 use the treadmill for a 30min walk) If I do go to the gym I will time it so Caitlyn falls asleep in her pram when I get there (will walk around the shops next door if I have to first), leave her in the Creche and then do my 30mins. If I can't manage that then I will go for a walk tomorrow night. I WILL.

I WILL have breakfast. I WILL drink water. I WILL make a good choice for lunch and I WILL have a good dinner.

One day at a time, right? If I can do this tomorrow, then there is no reason why I can't do it Thursday too, and then Friday and then there is no excuse.

One thing I am expecting, is a definate gain this week, so be it. Let's hope it will be the last for quite some time!

Sharing....

Well I know that I said I might take it easy on Tuesday but instead I did 80 situps (broken up in sets of 40), 5 mins on my mums stepper, and then for the first time in simply ages I got out for a 30min walk by myself as both girls were in bed at 7.40pm. I just wanted to share with you the photo I took of the beautiful sunset that evening. It just seemed so beautiful, maybe because I finally had some me time but anyhow....

Well then on Wednesday I had a slack day. I was really starting to feel sore but I still did my morning set of situps but that was about it. Pete took me out for dinner for Valentine's and I tried to be as good as possible, although some naughty pavlova and 5 lindt choc balls crept into my mouth during the course of the evening.

Yesterday exercise was non existent. I am really feeling yuck actually as TOM is taking its time to start but still giving me the nigling pains so no exercise today either.

Speaking of today, weighin was a 100g loss. I am happy as it is still a loss. I know that I was really good at the beginning of the week but my overdue TOM maybe affecting my result so I'll take it and hopefully have a better loss next week once TOM finally starts properly and is finished.

Well must dash (how snobby does that sound?) Bethany is due to finish school in half an hour. She is now doing full days at preschool, 9am-3pm. It's so odd. This is only her third full day but it is amazing how much I can get done around the house now that she is at school. But I miss her heaps.

Anyhow, BYE.

Trying

It's been a while since I've updated, didn't realise how long actually.

My weighin on Friday provided me with a 200g loss, so was happy with that considering I was expecting a gain after my bad behaviour over the last weekend.

I tried to do better this weekend although a couple of naughty things got through.

Today I was pretty good though. I did 30 sit ups when I got up this morning. Then I walked with Bethany to school (we have been doing it at least twice a week). We did the 20 minute walk there and when I came home with just Caitlyn I put on my MP3 player and did it in 12 minutes. Then I did another 30 situps and then went and hired a lawnmower and mowed our front and back lawns.

And tonight I feel like a pile of jelly!

Well just a quick update for tonight. Am rather shattered and Caitlyn had a mixed up day with her naps and feeds so I may be up a couple of times tonight so best I get to bed.

Will do a more indepth entry later.

Trying

Well I'm trying to be good. Today I have had 19pts with dinner over and done with. Because I am not breastfeeding I can go back to the normal points system so I am doing pretty well. Unfortunately my water intake today was nil and I had planned to go for a half hour walk tonight at 8pm but Pete got a work call out so I had to stay home with the 2 girls instead (hence why I am now sitting here doing this entry).

I am so determined to try and do this now due to some surprise motivation. Yesterday when I was doing my scrapbooking I was going through photos from Bethany's third birthday party(just 19 months ago) and found this one of myself.(sorry for the quality, it wasn't actually of me but the kids playing games, I was standing on the side watching)

I never actually realised how much weight I had lost last time. Everyone kept saying it but I always saw myself as still being large. Seeing this photo yesterday really hit home how well I had done and how quickly things went down hill(just 5 months after this photo I had my miscarriage and stacked on 10kg). I want to get back there again. I know it is going to be hard, especially with bubby but I want to give it my best effort. It has now been 3 months since she was born and now it is time for me to get my act together so I can be the best mum I can be to her and Bethany.

And now on my favourite note, here is a new favourite pic of my girls.